Consent: The Business Case for Consensual Leadership

Consent is a charged word. You usually only hear about it when someone has filed a complaint with the HR department or someone has crossed a boundary they shouldn’t have crossed.

You may be wondering what does consent have to do with my work? 

Consent is defined as “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.” 

An example of this might be, “no change may be made without the consent of all the partners.” Consensual leadership is about encouraging acceptance and agreement before actions are taken and this approach has never been more relevant considering the power differentials between leaders and teams.

We recently worked with a Board Chair of a well-known faith community who told us they had never consented to filling the role. She was told that it would be an interim position and that certain criteria would be met (a job description would be provided, regular reviews would happen, there would be administrative support, etc.). The model of governance allowed for her to be nominated without her consent, and she was voted in. She begrudgingly did the work, the criteria were never met, and she ended up serving a term of three years. 

She admitted that she would have been more than willing to devote herself to fundraising and community development – activities that would have really lit her up – but no one asked her. By the time three years had passed, they were desperately trying to rebuild after the pandemic and critically needed someone focused on bringing in money and reaching out to the community. Unfortunately, it was too late. She was burned out and resigned.

We also work with married teams in our executive coaching program. We call it “Power Couples Coaching.” Unsurprisingly, sometimes issues that hinder these intimate relationships also affect the bottom line and their ability to turn toward each other, communicate effectively, and lead as a team.

In these cases, we find it useful to discuss consent in terms of how it affects the communication inside the household and the business (i.e. ill-timed business updates over dinner, or worse, during date night).

FRIES is an acronym for the elements of consent developed by Planned Parenthood to inform and educate young people about the importance of consent in relationships. Here’s what it looks like when applied to organizations.

• Freely Given - This means that you are giving your permission to enter into business agreements or business-related conversations of your own accord. It means you are making decisions without pressure, force, or manipulation, and are not under any outside influence. Accepting a job offer or going into business with your spouse are examples of consensual business agreements. Communication outside of agreed-upon times or methods is not consensual.

 

• Reversible - Anyone can change their mind about what they want to do, at any time. That means accepting a role/position or doing work that you formerly agreed to do. You can change your mind even if it’s something you’re good at, something you’ve done before, or if you are in the middle of a project and under a pressing deadline. This doesn’t mean you can keep your position and not do the work, but you are free to negotiate or find a new position.

 

• Informed - Be honest and forthcoming. Provide plenty of context and detail. Have you read the fine print of that contract? Have you been given the opportunity to ask questions? Were you provided a map of that sales region you’re expected to dominate? Were you provided a job description or career growth milestones? Did you forget to mention to your employee that funding would be pulled if they don’t hit their goals this quarter? Did you include them in the conversation about the restructuring of their department? If there is information that will affect someone’s ability to do their work (or do it with integrity), you should inform them.

 

• Enthusiastic - If someone isn’t excited, or really into it, that’s not consent. We’re typically looking for something to be a “Hell, yes!” Although you may not feel enthusiastic about the business every day, you can do regular check-ins and ask, “Am I still inspired and motivated to do this work?” or “Does this work still energize you?” or simply “Are you still in?” 

​

• Specific - Saying yes to one thing (like committing to 50 outbound calls per day) doesn’t mean they’ve said yes to others (like leading discovery calls that qualify leads for other team members). Be super clear about role maps and responsibilities. Don’t assume that because a team member is committed to your bold vision of the future that they are willing to scrub floors or take out the garbage if that’s not the job they signed up for. Be respectful, clear and direct with your communication.

And, enjoy the FRIES!
​